Archive for Douchebags

…you think Being Really Really Serious about your Sport makes you good at it.

Posted in All, Inconsiderate & Rude, Sports, Stupid Trends with tags , , , , , on January 29, 2012 by oooranje

I have played a handful of sports, some of them fairly competitively.  I have rowed, I have pitched, I have bowled outswingers and played cover drives, and I have occasionally made a basket, although my range is about 5 feet. It can safely be said that I love sports, and I love playing them against other people who love sports.

But what I hate – and I mean absolutely loathe – is playing against some over-aggressive jackass who lowers his head on drives to the basket and then turns around and throws a temper tantrum because you called a foul when he hacked you on the other end. Nor is this a type reserved solely for the basketball court – this is the pitcher throwing 65 mph brushback ‘fastballs’ in the adult rec league, the part-time tennis player who loses his cool when you call his wild serve out too many times, the 250-pound (120-kilo) football player swearing at the ref for not calling a penalty kick for a dive in the box.  This is the overgrown man-child (although occasionally it happens with women, too) crying for his mommy because you pointed out his lack of talent a little too directly, and that hurt his ego.

And sometimes, due to that wonderful concept of ‘seniority’, this jackass becomes captain of his team. And in those situations, look out! Because this idiot will promote every single last one of his idiot buddies up the lineup until you’re looking at a 3-guard set of double-dribbling whiners, an elbow-throwing 5-foot-8 ‘center’ crying foul on every shot that doesn’t go in, or – worst of all – a boat full of unathletic slobs rushing up the slide like the ice cream man just pulled up on the Fourth of July.

That’s not to say everyone who’s serious isn’t good.  Some people do have genuine talent, and I don’t have a problem with them.  They’re just better than me.  But the others – the delusional 33 year-olds throwing up bricks for one last shot at glory – those I cannot stand.  For them, being really really serious about their sport does not make them good. It just makes them incredibly unpleasant to play against.


…you bought a car/cell phone/TV/tech gadget.

Posted in All with tags , , , , on November 24, 2009 by oooranje

This one could also be called ‘you’re not special because you believe the hype.’ I can’t fault advertisers and marketers for suggesting that purchasing their product will change your life, and by extension, you, but I can say that I have yet to see any item, be it a vehicle, communications device, or energy drink, that, by virtue of its use or purchase, changed its owner/consumer in any significant or fundamental way.

'Why's he calling me 'Meat'? I'm the one driving the Porsche.'

Not to say that your car doesn’t go 0 to 60 in a heartbeat, or that your phone doesn’t do everything you want and more, or that 1080i sounds almost as outdated as quadraphonic Blaupunkt to you, but consider: none of that changes you as a person. Anyone with the cash or willingness to go into debt can do just what you did and play with the same toys. In fact, in six months, or three, or whenever the Next Big Thing drops, you’re going to be yesterday’s news, with a devalued item, while someone else foots the bill of hype and buys the gadget before it drops in price for everyone else.